Young woman silhouetted against the
subway turnstiles gestures theatrically
to right and left, using her head and arms.

Tourist stops dead
in the center of the pavement
and points dramatically
to a Horton’s breakfast sandwich.

My favorite kind of people are tourists.
On the subway, one sits fingering her valise.

Standing-room only on the train—eight minutes late.
I sometimes wonder if “equipment problems”
isn’t just another term for apathy.

Three separate cars speed by a pedestrian
waiting in the middle of the street to cross.
Not one of the cars thinks about stopping.
Pantsuit and flip-flops.

Woman parks her fat ass, ensuring
she’ll be crossing first.
Fat tourists stand on street corners,
unsure where to go.

Middle-aged woman in Wellington boots
steps gingerly around a half-inch puddle.

An elderly man flips through a newspaper,
pressing his finger to his tongue with each flip.

A man on a cell phone keeps repeating:
“Yes…. Yes…. Yes…. Yes….”
with remarkable regularity.

Housewife-turned-journalist did so by writing
about drinking a bottle of wine a day;
then gave herself up to a higher power;
now has been sober for eight years.
I’m not sure what else she has written,
besides her autobiography.

11:22 AM is too early for lunch.
The man at the counter refuses to serve me.

A girl with a latte pressed to her bosom,
grasping a cell phone in her other hand,
hisses, “Excuse me!” as she corrals me
into the elevator I want to leave.

“What do I get? I get a grande later?
I get it later? How does it work?”

No. You suck a dick…
then someone throws a cup of coffee
in your face. As a reward…

“So do I need to save my receipt then?”
Yes—please save your receipt.

And don’t forget to stop in for story time
at the cash register! There you can catch up
on the latest sports, travel and weather—
and even share stories about your loved ones!

Oh! will my heart betray me?
Or will… I betray my heart…?

You think getting your feet tattooed
makes you an individual?
You want to be an individual?
Then put that goddamn phone down!

“I protect my sheep, motherfucker!”
Don’t follow me! What am I, Jesus?
I could be just another idiot,
leading you to your death!

I want to be one of those manly men
who rise at the first cocking of the crow.

Here comes King Cock, sauntering down the street.
Hey King Cock! Why don’t you go join your little friends!
It looks like your loud motor will only take you so far.

On my daily walks through New York City,
observing its residents, I ask myself:
“Why would anybody choose this?”

New York can have New York.
I want nothing to do with this city.
I’m moving West at the first opportunity.
I just need to save a little money first.
New York can have New York….